There’s no doubt that cheating on the rise, take it
from the show Cheaters, But just as there are that many more ways to
communicate and connect with people (think Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
texting, and the countless dating sites and apps) there are also that many more
ways to get caught. An intercepted text has become the modern day version of
lipstick on the collar. Whether people are cheating more, being more careless,
or spouses are better at catching their cheating partner, I don’t know. The
bottom line: the numbers are staggering and troubling. Don’t get me wrong both
gender cheat but for now we are focused on the male gender, it’s all about the
pattern. Here are some signs;
1)
If you calmly and
sincerely approach your partner about the thought that something seems off or
makes you uncomfortable, and he or she lashes out and make you feel insecure or
insane, it's because s/he is deflecting: A caring relationship involves
talking things out and caring about one another's feelings and validating them,
while trying to resolve an issue in a constructive and healthy way.
2)
He can't commit: to you
or to future plans, even things like what you're going to do with him on
Saturday.
3)
He lies and does it
well: Does he talk about how he has deceived people outside of the relationship?
Does he do it with the bravado of a narcissist? Definitely a red flag.
4) He doesn’t show remorse or guilt for wrong doings in other areas
of his life: Normally these are powerful and healthy emotions that
keep people in check. A lack of them is a problem.
5)
He confuses
information: For example, “Didn’t we dine here?” is a clear
indicator he’s been there before and not with you. His points of reference are
blurred as time spent with you are confused with time spent with the other
woman.
6)
Sex: This one is tricky. You might see a complete withdrawal from
sex or you might see him initiating it more. He might feel an extra charge of
testosterone and confidence as a result of his new flame and feel the need to
discharge it with you. He may also be trying to compensate for his
indiscretions.
7)
He changes his
appearance: Does he dress differently? Is he getting in shape?
These changes in the context of other signs are worth nothing
8)
He’s attached to his
phone: He’ll take it into the bathroom with him and say “I
like to read the news.” Is this a new behavior? If so, be aware. He may also
sleep with it by his bed and be guarded of it, not keeping it lying out on the
table.
9)
His mood changes quickly: This might be the result of him being conflicted: being with
you but wanting to spend time with the new woman. Naturally it will lead to
frustration, moodiness, and even anger. He may even start fights in an effort
to sabotage your relationship.
10) He deviates from his
baseline behavior: People have patterns to their behaviors. These
usually are quite inflexible and fixed. When there’s a gross distraction such
as an affair, patterns will change. So, take note that this could indicate he
is cheating.
More important than being on the lookout for these
signs is to trust your gut and intuition It’s powerful. Listen to it and use it
to investigate. Doing so might spare you a lot of pain and agony down the road.
Don’t make the mistake that so many women do and look the other way. Denial
will not make him stop cheating nor will it improve your relationship. Taking
action will.
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